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About Alytus

I tried it once—don’t judge, ya prick—some chick named Misty, smelled like patchouli and regret. Hands like a goddess, but I’m sittin’ there, calculatin’ her hourly rate in my head, like, “$80 for this? Shit, I’d kill for less.” Got me all riled up, then nothin’—blue balls central, fuckin’ furious! “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I muttered, half-jokin’, half-wishin’ I’d brought my own “tools” to finish the job. Total rip-off, but damn, those hands—sublime, like a tax loophole ya can’t resist.

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Then, outta nowhere, the power goes out! Just my luck, right? I’m in the middle of a haircut, and it’s pitch black. I’m like, “Great, now I’m a barber in a horror movie.” Mantas freaks out, and I’m just tryin’ to keep it cool. I grab my phone, turn on the flashlight, and keep cuttin’. It’s like a scene from a bad comedy.

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