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What gets me pumped? The freedom! You’re out there, pickin’ who ya wanna tumble with—no judgy starfish starin’ ya down. But oh barnacles, the creeps! Some dude’s all “hey baby, pics?” and I’m like, “Go jump in a jellyfish net!” Made me mad as a sea urchin with a rash. Then there’s the happy stuff—like when ya match with someone hot and it’s all fireworks. “This isn’t normal,” Brandon mutters in *Shame*, and yeah, sex-dating ain’t normal either—it’s a freakin’ rollercoaster!

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But then, just when I think I can relax, my phone buzzes again. Another emergency. A dog fight at the park. I’m like, “Are you kidding me?” I rush over to the park on Šaltinėlio street, and it’s chaos. Dogs barking, owners yelling. I’m trying to separate them, and it’s like a scene from a movie.

Al Jaffee's MAD Life: how a traumatized kid from the shtetl became an American satire icon