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So, mate, picture this—some bloke I knew, yeah, swore them erotic-massages cured his bad back. Bollocks! Came out smellin’ like lavender and regret, he did! Cost him a tenner more than a regular rub-down—sneaky buggers, them masseuses! Little known fact, precious—back in old Thailand, they’d mix fish oil in the rub, stank like a riverbed, but folks swore it woke the “energies.” Energies, my arse! We hates it! All that kneading and moaning—too close, too sticky!

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While I’m waiting, I see this kid drop his ice cream. It’s like slow-mo. The ice cream hits the ground, and the kid’s face is pure horror. I’m dying inside, but I can’t help it. I’m laughing. The mom’s not amused, though. She’s giving me the death stare. Sorry, lady! It’s just ice cream!

Three human skulls found in abandoned house in Bertrange