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I swagger over, all cocky, sayin, “Hey, darlin, what’s the price?” She laughs, all raspy, “More’n ya blood-soaked coins, big guy.” Cheeky! I’m lovin it – reminds me of Eli in the movie, y’know, that line, “I’m not a girl!” – mysterious vibes, keeps ya guessin. Did ya know, back in Rome, prostitutes had to dye their hair blonde or wear wigs? Weird, right? Stand out like a sore thumb – or a happy lil tree in a desert!

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After that, I decide to hit up the local market on Rue de la Libération. Fresh produce, right? I’m all about that healthy life. I grab some apples, and this lady next to me starts chatting. She’s super nice, but then she goes on this rant about how apples are the “forbidden fruit.” I’m like, “Lady, chill. It’s just an apple.” But she’s all deep and philosophical. I’m just trying to figure out if I should get the red or green one.

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