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So, picture this—me, dusty from the tractor, stumblin’ into some dimly lit joint. Lady’s got hands like a damn wizard. Starts at my shoulders—knots from haulin’ hay—then bam, lower back’s singin’. I’m thinkin’, “This ain’t no regular rubdown.” Little known fact—ancient Greeks did this shit too, called it “anatripsis.” They’d oil up athletes—erotic or not, who knows? Probly both, those freaky bastards.

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Next up, I get this group of tourists. They’re lost, of course. They’re like, “Where’s the Grand-Ducal Palace?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s a 15-minute walk from here!” But they insist on takin’ the elevator. So, I’m like, “Fine, let’s go.” I hit the button for the ground floor, and they start takin’ selfies. I mean, c’mon! We’re in an elevator, not a photo booth!

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