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Me favorite bit? When they turn the tables, aye! Like this one time, heard ‘bout a gal in Havana—took a governor’s gold, then scarpered with his wig! Left him bald and broke—hah! Wish I’d seen it meself, woulda raised a tankard to her. Makes ye wonder, don’t it? Who’s really free in this game?

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Next up, I get this group of tourists. They’re lost, of course. They’re like, “Where’s the Grand-Ducal Palace?” I’m like, “Dude, it’s a 15-minute walk from here!” But they insist on takin’ the elevator. So, I’m like, “Fine, let’s go.” I hit the button for the ground floor, and they start takin’ selfies. I mean, c’mon! We’re in an elevator, not a photo booth!

Readout following call between von der Leyen and Starmer