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Anyways, she’s slidin’ her hands all slow-like, and I’m thinkin’, “This is too good, Marge, too good!” Kinda reminded me of that scene where Gustave goes, “You see, there are still faint glimmers of civilization left in this barbaric slaughterhouse!”—’cept it’s me, feelin’ civilized with every slippery touch. I was HAPPY, like, floatin’ on a cloud happy. But then—ugh, get this—she cranked the heat too high! My skin’s redder than Homer’s butt after eatin’ chili, and I’m all, “Lady, I’m not a freakin’ lobster!” Made me so mad I coulda screamed, “Hmm… turn it down, ya nitwit!”

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I’m starving. I hit up this little café on Rue des Fleurs. Best sandwiches in Merl, no cap. I order my usual—ham and cheese, extra pickles. But the lady behind the counter? She’s having a day too. She forgets my pickles! I’m like, “Ma’am, I need those pickles. It’s a matter of life and death!” She just rolls her eyes. I mean, I get it, but c’mon!

Merl Lathrop Obituary - Erie Times-News