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Still, it’s Jersey—everybody’s chasin’ tail. Apps make it easy, too easy, ya ask me. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’, “Dis is whack,” but I get it—people lonely, horny, whatever. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I’d say 80% of dese dates end in bangin’ or ghostin’. Pick your poison. Oh, an’ don’t get me started on da STDs—wrap it up, you mooks! Gabagool? Ova here—sex-datin’s a mess, but damn, it’s our mess. Whaddya gonna do?

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After the lights come back on, I’m feelin’ all warm and fuzzy inside. But then, my buddy Marco strolls in. He’s a regular, always got some crazy story. Today, he’s got this wild tale about a raccoon he saw on Avenue de la Liberté. I swear, he’s convinced it was a spy. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost spill a pint.

Municipal elections: Pirate Party present electoral programme in Pétange