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So, this one time, I’m cruisin’ Austin (natch), and I spot this chick, total fox, workin’ the corner. Mini skirt, fishnets – shag-tastic! But here’s the kicker, mate: she’s got a kid waitin’ at home! Blew my mind, yeah? Like in *Boyhood*, “I just thought there’d be more!” More to life than this grind, y’know? Made me bloody sad, man, thinkin’ she’s out there, dodgin’ creeps, just to feed her little ‘un.

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I spend the next hour calming him down. It’s exhausting! I’m like a therapist but with numbers. “Breathe, buddy. We’ll sort it out.” Finally, he calms down, and I feel like a superhero.

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