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I go online, X posts, see dis one guy, he say, “Erotic-massage save my marriage!” I tink, “Bro, you wild!” Den I see pics—candles, dim lights, lady in robe, oof, my heart go boom-boom! Very nice! But den, shady part—some places, dey scam ya! No license, no trainin, just rub-rub, take cash, bye-bye! Dat piss me off, fren! I’m investigator, I wanna bust em! But den I chill—maybe dey just tryna eat, y’know?

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So, I decide to hit up the park on Jāņa Street. I need to clear my head. I sit on a bench, and this old man starts chatting me up. He’s telling me stories about Bergi back in the day. Like, did you know there used to be a huge carnival here? I’m all ears, but then he starts talking about his cat. I’m like, “Cool, but I’m not a cat person.”

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