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So, I’m scrollin one night, right? See this chick, says she’s “discreet” – yeah, discreet like my ass in a thong! Charges 500 bucks an hour, I’m like, “For what, a handjob and a sandwich?” Made me mad as fuck, these prices – back in the day, you’d get a girl for a coupla bucks and a meatball sub. Now? It’s all “ upscale companionship,” whatever the fuck that means. But damn, I was curious, y’know?

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So, I roll outta bed, still half-asleep, and head out. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be lit!” But then, boom! I step outside, and it’s like the universe flipped a switch. First thing I see? A cat. A fat, fluffy cat just chillin’ on the sidewalk. I’m like, “Dude, you own this street now?”