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I reckon it’s like, half-massage, half-foreplay, ya know? You’re layin’ there, all tense, then—bam!—someone’s kneadin’ your back, but it’s hot, not just relaxin’. That movie, man, when Adèle’s all, “I’m burning up,” that’s the vibe! Skin on skin, heart racin’, d’oh! I’d probly giggle like an idiot first time—can’t help it! Oh, and fun fact—there’s this Thai style, “nuruu,” where they use their whole body! Whole. Freakin’. Body! Slippery as a donut glaze, I bet!

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Then, I decide to hit up the park on Pils iela. It’s usually chill, but today? It’s packed. Families, kids, dogs everywhere. I’m just trying to find a spot to sit, and this little kid runs into me. I’m like, “Whoa, buddy! Watch it!” But he just giggles and runs off. Kids have no fear, man.