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Look, findin’ a prostitute’s tricky – apps now, huh? Wild! Used to be street smarts, now it’s swipe right? Makes me happy tech’s movin’, but dang, it’s sneaky too! Prostitution’s old as dirt – fact is, ancient Rome had brothels marked with… get this, penis carvings! Ain’t that a hoot? Imagine Tarantino filmin’ that – “Gimme a shot of that wall, boys!”

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Finally, I make it to the fortress. It’s massive and kinda eerie. I’m snapping pics, feeling all artsy, when suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and some dude just knocked over a whole display of souvenirs. I can’t even. People are gasping, and I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh. Like, bro, how clumsy can you be?

Neighbourhood festivals in Vecāķi, Daugavgrīva and Brasa to close with a rich programme of cultural events