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Me, I’m obsessed, bruv. First time I got one? Mate, I was shook—didn’t expect it to feel THAT good. Them fingers dancin’ on my spine, teasin’ the knots out—I was like, “I don’t wanna be free!” Straight up quoting Solomon cos it felt like chains breakin’. But here’s the kicker—some dodgy parlors out there, yeah? Got me fumin’ once—paid 50 quid for some half-arsed rubdown. Barely erotic, more like a lazy pat. I wanted to growl, “You think this is freedom?” Proper ripped off.

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After the rain, we hit up the Daugavpils Fortress. It’s this massive place, full of history and all that jazz. I’m wandering around, and I can’t help but feel a bit inspired. I mean, these walls have seen it all! But then, I trip over a loose stone. Classic me, right? I’m on the ground, laughing at myself, and Jānis is like, “You good, man?”

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