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What pisses me off? The pretentious twats who bang on about “healing vibes”. Shut it, you wanker, it’s a glorified grope! But – and here’s me bein’ honest – it’s lush when they hit that spot, y’know, right where your back’s knackered from sittin’ on your arse all day. Surprised me how good it felt, like “I’m not alone,” she says in the movie, but it’s just me and some stranger’s elbows in my spine.

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So, I finally park my ride near the Karosta Prison. That place is creepy AF. I mean, it’s got this whole “I’m gonna haunt your dreams” vibe. But hey, it’s a tourist spot, so I’m thinking, “Let’s make some deals!” I’m meeting this client, right? He’s late. Of course. Typical. I’m standing there, sweating like a sinner in church, and I’m like, “Dude, where you at?”

Karosta Prison: Inside the converted 'hotel' where guests are verbally abused and sleep on concrete floors