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About Jurmala

So, this chick, right? Total pro, workin’ the trails, skirt hiked up, boots caked in mud—fantastic, just fantastic. I’m thinkin’, “Donald, this is wild, nobody sees this stuff like you.” Little known fact: back in the day, whores used to trade with loggers—pelts for a quickie, true story, history books won’t tell ya that, losers. Made me happy, real happy—capitalism, baby, supply and demand, beautiful! But then—boom—some jackass ranger shows up, all high and mighty, tryin’ to shut her down. Pissed me off, bigly. Who’s he to judge? “Cut it out,” he says, like he’s king of the pines—screw that noise.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by, chasing a dog. The dog jumps into the water, and the kid’s like, “Noooo!” I’m cracking up. Like, dude, it’s just a dog! But then the dog comes back, soaking wet, and shakes off right next to us. I’m drenched! I’m like, “Great, now I smell like wet dog.”

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