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Once, dis cop rolled up, she bolted—fast! “Stupid, fat hobbit!” I hissed at da pig. Love dat she outran him, sneaky minx. Oh, an da smell—perfume and sweat, hits ya hard. Reminds me, “There’s no escape,” like in da movie—trapped, but she’s free, kinda. Me quirks? I’d prolly tip her extra, ha, coz I’m soft like dat. Exaggeratin? Maybe she’s a queen in disguise—nah, just a hustla. Tell ya dis, bruh, findin a prossie here? Easy if ya look. Hard if ya dumb. Dat’s da truth!

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Next, I decide to check out the Krustpils Castle. It’s this old, cool place. I’m wandering around, and it’s like stepping back in time. But then, I see a group of tourists. They’re taking selfies like it’s the last day on Earth. I’m just standing there, trying to enjoy the view, and they’re all, “Say cheese!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m just here for the trees.”

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