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About Jelgava

Heya buddy, so erotic-massage, huh? D’oh! I’m like, whoa, this stuff’s wild! Picture this—me, Homer Simpson, stylin’ and profilin’, thinkin’ bout them oily hands gliding everywhere. Kinda reminds me of “Toni Erdmann”—y’know, my fave flick? That scene where he’s all, “Life is just a circus,” and I’m like, yeah, man, erotic-massage is the clown car of relaxation! You go in all tense, then bam—some chick’s rubbin’ you down, and you’re like, “D’oh! Why ain’t this on TV?”

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First off, I hit up the local café, that one on Daugavas iela. Best coffee in town, no cap. I ordered my usual – a double espresso. The barista, this cool dude named Jānis, was like, “You look like you need a triple today.” I laughed, but he was right. I was dragging.

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