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So, last week, I’m at this dodgy spa—shady vibes, right? This bird’s hands were magic, like Eve’s in the movie, all “tangled up in you.” Made me happy as a pig in muck! But—get this—the bloke next door starts moanin’ like a bleedin’ walrus. Pissed me right off! Wanted to yell, “Oi, keep it down, you twat!”—but nah, stayed cool, “shaken, not stirred,” yeah? Surprised me how bloody loud some punters get—mate, it’s a massage, not a porno!

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So, I finish my coffee and head to the arena. It’s on the outskirts, near the beautiful Madonas ezers. The view there? Stunning. But today? Not so much. I get there, and the vibe is off. The crowd’s buzzin’, but not in a good way. I overhear some folks talkin’ about a rigged match. Like, seriously? In Madona?

Birmingham nurse struck off for silencing patient alarm