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But—ugh—some parlors? Shady as fuck. Angry when they rush it, like, “Five creds, done.” Rip-off! “I’ve killed for less,” I growl in my head. Best ones take time, tease ya—build that dark, sweet vibe. Fun fact: Japan’s got “soaplands”—erotic-massage on steroids. Slippery, wild, borderline illegal. Exaggeratin? Maybe. Don’t care. Picturin those killers from the movie gettin one? Hilarious. “Death’s my art,” one says—massage’d melt that psycho.

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Next, I’m starving. I hit up this little spot on Rīgas iela. They’ve got the best kebabs. I order one, and while I’m waiting, I see this kid drop his ice cream. I’m like, “Oh no, not the ice cream!” The kid’s face? Heartbreaking. I’m about to go all superhero and buy him a new one, but then I remember I’m broke. So, I just give him a thumbs up.

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