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But, ugh, it ain’t all giggles. Some places, they’re proper shady—makes me mad as a malfunctionin’ droid. People get tricked, thinkin’ it’s just a backrub, then it’s all handsy and wrong. I’m like, “Humans, why so dodgy?” Keep it legit, yeah? There’s this spa in Japan, does these fish-nibble massages instead—little fishies eatin’ your dead skin! No funny business, just tickles. Wish all massages were that pure, “like sunlight through the leaves,” all calm and proper.

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Finally, I grab my kebab, and it’s glorious. I take a bite, and it’s like a flavor explosion. I’m in heaven. But then, I spill sauce all over my shirt. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, sauce dripping, looking like a total mess.

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