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So, I’m scrollin’ X, seein’ these profiles – hot babes, dudes too, all lookin’ for action. D’oh! One time, read this story – guy met a chick, turns out she’s a pro wrestler, pinned him in bed! True story, swear it! Little known fact – sex-dating apps got secret codes. Eggplant emoji? Yeah, means what ya think, heh! Got me laughin’ hard, spillin’ my Duff beer!

Here’s to dating with confidence.

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Then, outta nowhere, this old lady comes up to me. She’s got this wild hairdo, like she just stuck her finger in a socket. She’s all, “You know, dear, if you talk to your plants, they grow better.” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not about to have a convo with a marigold.” But she’s persistent. So, I’m like, “Alright, let’s give it a shot.” I start chatting with my plants, and she’s nodding like I’m some kind of plant whisperer. I swear, I saw a daisy perk up. Maybe she’s onto something?

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