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But dang, it’s intimate, right? Hands all over, breathin’ heavy—kinda makes me blush, and I don’t blush easy! How’s that workin’ for ya, lettin’ somebody get that close? Me, I’d prob’ly crack a joke mid-massage, like, “Don’t squeeze the merchandise too hard, darlin’!” Gotta keep it light, else I’m sweatin’ bullets. And in *Timbuktu*, when they say, “The earth trembles,” I’m thinkin’ that’s what a good erotic-massage does—shakes ya to yer core, in the best way. Or the worst, if they’re bad at it—lordy, I’d be madder’n a wet hen!

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So, I’m trying to keep my cool, but inside I’m fuming. I mean, how do people not see the obvious? I take a deep breath, sip my coffee, and say, “Look, man, you can’t polish a turd.” He just stares at me. Awkward silence. Classic.

‘Gone’