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Oi, mate, me name’s Ali G, innit! I’m a sign language geezer, yeah, hands flappin’ like a madman. So, erotic-massage, bruv, let’s chat dat! I reckon it’s proper lush, ya get me? All dem oily hands slidin’ about, wicked vibes. Reminds me of me fave flick, *Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter…and Spring*—dat Kim Ki-duk ting, yeah? Bare deep, bruv, like when da monk says, “Lust awakens da desire to possess.” Dat’s erotic-massage in a nutshell, fam! Possession, but chill, ya know?

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So, I’m sprinting down the street, dodging tourists like I’m in some kinda obstacle course. Seriously, why are there so many people at the Freedom Monument at this hour? It’s like they don’t have jobs or something. I mean, I get it, it’s a beautiful spot, but c’mon!

Guide to November 18 events in Rīga / Article