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Me, I’d say it’s ‘bout heat, yesss, like my stoves—slow burn, builds up nice. Hands kneadin’, breathin’ heavy, “past recedes,” like Wong Kar-wai whispers, time just melts, precious! Ever tried it? Shit’s wild—got this mate, swore it cured his back, but reckon he just liked the lass touchin’ him, sneaky bugger! Made me mad tho—why’s it gotta cost so much? Bleedin’ 50 quid for a rub? Robbery, I say!

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So, I’m chugging my coffee, and boom! My phone buzzes. It’s my driver, Jānis. He’s stuck on Pils iela. Like, seriously? Pils? That street’s always a mess. I mean, who designed this place? A blindfolded raccoon? Anyway, he’s like, “Yo, I can’t move. Traffic’s nuts!” I’m like, “Dude, just take a detour!” But no, he’s too busy staring at the cars like they’re a magic show or something.

'Saldus Saule' festival details announced / Article