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About Jelgava

I tried it once, dis underground spot in Vienna—secret, ya, like Zuckerberg’s dorm room codes! Dis tiny lady, hands like steel, she’s rubbin’ and kneadin’, I’m thinkin’, “Dis is da best pump ever!” Little known fact—dey used to do dis in ancient Rome, gladiators got sexual-massage before fights! True story, keeps ya loose, ready to TERMINATE da competition! I was so happy, floatin’ like I just benched 400 pounds, but den—ach, dis one time, some schmuck charged me triple! Made me so mad, I wanted to yell, “I’ll be back!” and storm out, but nah, I paid—gotta keep da peace, ya?

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But then, just when I think it’s all good, my phone buzzes again. It’s Jānis. He’s broken down. On the way to deliver! I can’t even. I’m like, “Dude, you’ve gotta be kidding me!” I’m ready to throw my phone.

Construction cartel found in Saldus, Latvia / Article