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Oh, and the oil—smells like sex and flowers. Slippery as a Lannister lie. I ask her, “What’s in this?” She says, “Secret.” Secret my arse—I bet it’s just posh lard. Still, I’m floatin’, mate. Floatin’. “What does it mean?” I mumble, like some twat from the movie. She don’t answer—just keeps rubbin’. Good enough for me.

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Next, I decide to hit up the Talsi Castle Hill. Gotta get those views, ya know? I climb up, and wow, the view is sick! You can see the whole town. But then, I trip on a rock. Classic me, right? I almost faceplant. I’m laughing at myself, like, “What a graceful move!”

Wizz Air resumes flights from Riga International Airport / Article