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I’m watchin’ *Tropical Malady* last night, and that line—“He smells of earth and rain”—hits me. Escorts, man, they’re earthy, real, even if it’s all fake smiles sometimes. I’d suck at it—too clumsy, prob’ly spill beer on the client. Ha! Imagine me, “Homer the Escort,” trippin’ over my gut, goin’, “Mmm… sorry, lady.” Total disaster, right?

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So, I’m strolling, right? And I see this cute little café on the corner of Rīgas and Brīvības. I’m like, “Yesss, coffee time!” I order a cappuccino, and the barista is super chill. We start chatting about the weather, and I’m thinking, “Wow, this is nice.” But then, outta nowhere, this guy spills his drink all over me! Like, seriously? I’m drenched in coffee! I was so mad! I mean, come on, dude!

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