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Oh, and the smells—oils, lavender, some weird herbal junk. Hits yer nose, bam, yer gone. Pro tip: don’t go cheap—those $20 parlors? Sketchy as hell, sticky floors, ugh. Splurge, get the real deal. Makes me happy, Clarice, when it’s done with style. Like a dance, a ritual—“The earth is the mother.” Sexual-massage taps that, deep down. Exaggeratin’ maybe, but feels like a goddamn rebirth. You? You’d smirk, call me dramatic. Fair. But damn, it’s truth. Try it, report back—chop chop!

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Then, I hit up the Ventspils Castle. Man, that place is epic! I’m wandering around, and I swear I can feel the history. But then, I overhear this group of tourists. They’re trying to pronounce “Ventspils” like it’s some kinda tongue twister. I’m dying inside. “It’s not that hard, folks!” I wanted to shout.

Ventspils Freeport Authority enters US sanctions