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But—*pauses, scratches head*—I gets mad, yeah? Some punters out there, dodgy blokes, treatin’ these girls like rubbish! Makes me wanna—*punches air, falls flat*—smash summat! Then she smiles, all cheeky, and I’m happy again—*grins like an idiot*—‘cause she’s got a laugh like an engine purrin’. Surprised me, that did! Thought, “Man’s an animal!”—y’know, like in the movie? Deep stuff, mate!

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Finally, I make it to the fortress. It’s massive and kinda eerie. I’m snapping pics, feeling all artsy, when suddenly, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and some dude just knocked over a whole display of souvenirs. I can’t even. People are gasping, and I’m just standing there, trying not to laugh. Like, bro, how clumsy can you be?

Large-scale riot at Daugagriva Prison took place in Latvia