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But here’s the kicker—little known fact, buddy: erotic-massage ain’t new. Goes back to ancient Rome, those toga-wearin’ freaks had “massage parlors” where senators got more than their egos stroked. True story! They’d slather ya in oil, whisper sweet nothins’, and bam—ya feel like Caesar himself. Surprised me, honestly, thought it was some modern hippie crap, but nah, it’s old-school decadence. Greed is good, see? Always has been.

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I grab a ladder, and as I’m climbing, I’m thinking, “What am I doing with my life?” I mean, I went to school for this? Anyway, I finally reach Whiskers, and he just looks at me like, “Really? You came all the way up here for me?” I grab him, and he’s all chill, like he wasn’t just causing a scene. I hand him back to the lady, and she’s crying. I’m like, “It’s just a cat, lady!” But hey, whatever makes her happy, right?

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