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Her world’s a tank—dark, cramped, predators everywhere. I’d toss her a line, but she’d probs slap it away, laughin’. “Life is only on Earth, and not for long”—that’s *Melancholia* talk—fits her perfect, don’t it? Short, brutal, beautiful mess. Growlin’, “You merely adopted the dark,” I see her rulin’ it, not drownin’. She’s my kinda fish—ugly, fierce, and fuckin’ unforgettable. Next time, I’m slidin’ her a fiver and yellin’, “Keep swimmin’, ya glorious disaster!”

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Then, I decided to stroll along the Dniester River. The sunset was gorgeous, painting the sky in shades of orange and pink. I felt all philosophical, like, “Life is beautiful, man.” But then I tripped over a rock and almost face-planted. Classic me, right?

Port: Saying goodbye to columnist, author, radio host and newspaper publisher Tony Bender