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What pissed me off? The price—$80 for 30 minutes? I could buy a boat motor! But happy? Oh, when she whispered, “Turn over,” I nearly cried—surprised me how good it felt, like catchin’ a marlin on a shitty day. Fun fact: in Japan, they got “soaplands”—erotic-massage with bubbles, sounds like a freakin’ carnival! I’m imaginin’ myself there, slippin’ around, laughin’ my ass off. “I am a cavern,” like the movie says, but nah, I’m full of giggles and bad ideas.

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But then, the day takes a turn. I’m walking back home, feeling all good, when I see a bunch of kids playing football on Strada Călărași. They’re having a blast, but then one of them kicks the ball right at me. I dodge it like a ninja, but then I trip over my own feet. Classic me, right? The kids laugh, and I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up!” But inside, I’m dying.

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