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*We come in peace* (robotic tone). Yo, so I’m this alien insurance investigator, right? Been diggin into this sex-dating thing humans do. Wild stuff, fam! Like, imagine me, all tentacles and glowy bits, tryna figure out why y’all swipe right for a quickie. Reminds me of *The Grand Budapest Hotel*—ya know, my fave flick—where everything’s fancy but sneaky shit’s happenin’ behind curtains. “Many shady characters around,” as Monsieur Gustave would say. Sex-dating’s got that vibe—glitzy apps, but shady motives.

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After that, I needed a pick-me-up. So, I head over to the café on Strada Vasile Alecsandri. I order a coffee, and the barista, this cool chick, gives me a wink. I’m thinkin’, “Alright, maybe today ain’t so bad.” But then, my coffee comes out cold! Like, what’s up with that? I’m not tryin’ to drink iced coffee in the middle of fall! I tell her, and she just laughs it off. “You gotta chill, man!” she says. I mean, I get it, but c’mon!

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