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I don’t shag her, nah—Bond’s got standards. But I slip her a tip, tell her to ditch the creep watchin’ from the alley. She’s shocked, eyes wide—happy, maybe? “You’re a gent,” she says. I wink, “Always, darling.” Walk off feelin’ smug, but also gutted—world’s a mess. “The only truth is beauty,” I mutter, Sorrentino-style, kickin’ a pebble. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy. Findin’ one who’s free? Fuckin’ impossible. Cheers, mate—another martini, yeah? Shaken, not stirred.

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But then, just as I’m riding that high, I get a call from a participant in my study. She’s freaking out about the side effects of the medication. I’m like, “Chill, it’s normal!” But she’s not having it. I’m trying to calm her down, but she’s going off about how she can’t sleep and her cat is acting weird. I’m like, “Lady, I can’t help with the cat!”

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