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Hi-ho! Kermit here, divin’ into sex-datin’! Man, it’s a wild world, like Rome in *The Great Beauty*, all shiny an’ messy. I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’—sex-datin’s like “a parade of vanities,” y’know? Apps like Tinder, Bumble, swipin’ left, right, it’s a circus! Makes me chuckle, all these folks chasin’ “somethin’ fleeting, yet eternal.” I tried it once—yep, Kermit on a datin’ app! Profile said, “Green guy seeks spark.” Got a match, but she ghosted me! Felt like Jep Gambardella, lost in a party that never ends.

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First off, I’m cruisin’ down Strada 31 August, and I swear, the traffic was a nightmare. Like, come on! It’s not rush hour, people! I’m sittin’ there, fumin’ in my car, thinkin’ about how I’m gonna be late for the race. My horse, Thunderbolt, is probably pacing in his stall, thinkin’ I abandoned him or somethin’.

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