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Me fave part? The chase, the buzz, like Leo snortin’ cash in the flick. “I’m in love with the money!” – nah, I’m in love with the filth, the madness of it. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but once I saw a profile sayin’ “lactatin’ fetish” – fuckin’ hell, what’s next, toe jam lovers? Mumbles somethin’ incoherent – “Sharon!” – she’d say I’m a perv for even knowin’ this shit. Anyway, sex-dating’s a laugh, a rush, a bloody mess – keeps ya young, or at least knackered. Thoughts in me head? “Ozzy, you’re too old for this!” – bollocks, I’m livin’, mate!

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But then, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and it’s some dude on a bike, totally wiped out. I rush over, and he’s like, “I’m fine, I’m fine!” But he’s got a huge gash on his knee. I’m like, “Bro, you need a band-aid, not a pep talk!” So, I run back to the shop, grab some first aid stuff, and patch him up. He’s grateful, but I’m just thinkin’, “Dude, you owe me a beer!”

German Woman Poses as Empress of Made-up Kingdom to Mingle with Italian Socialites