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Dunno, mate, it’s messy – sex for coin, love for nothin’. “There’s no place for me,” I mutter, thinkin’ of them lonely souls, fuckin’ for a livin’. Happy? Sometimes, when cash flows, they grin. Angry? When some twat gets rough. Me? I’d bite ‘em, yesss, leave ‘em bleedin’! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but picture this – Gollum as an escort, all scrawny and hissin’, “My precioussss, fifty quid!” Laughin’ yet?

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Finally, I get it to work. Thank the meat gods! But then, just as I’m catchin’ my breath, this lady walks in. She’s all frantic, like she just ran a marathon. “I need a whole chicken! Like, now!” I’m like, “Lady, it’s not a drive-thru!” But I grab one, and she’s like, “Make it quick!” I’m sweating again.

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