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What gets me hyped? When it clicks, yo—two freaks matchin’, vibin’, no games, just “let’s do this.” That’s the win, pure gold, like Fassbender chasin’ that high. But the flops? Man, ghostin’ pisses me off—why you swipe if you ain’t gonna talk? Wastes my genius time! And don’t get me started on the weirdos—dude once sent a chick a PDF of his “sex resume,” swear to God, five pages, Times New Roman, had references n’ shit. Laughed my ass off, but also—wtf, bro?

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So I head back to the office, and my team’s still buzzing. They’re all like, “Did you get the coffee?” I’m like, “Yeah, and it was amazing, but we’re in trouble!” I laid it all out. They looked worried. I mean, who wouldn’t be?

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