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Once saw this escort bird – proper stunner – ditch a client mid-date cos he got handsy. Laughed me arse off – respect! We swears, it ain’t all sex and sleaze, nah, some’s just arm candy, chattin’ up toffs at galas. Surprised me, that did – thought it was all bedroom bizz. Nope! Me fave bit? Watchin’ ‘em hustle – pure “Spring Breakers” chaos, precious! “Alien, don’t be a pussy!” – that’s what I’d tell meself if I tried it. Too skittish, me.

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But then, BAM! My phone buzzes. It’s my buddy, Alex. He’s like, “Dude, you won’t believe what just happened!” I’m thinking, “What now?” Turns out, he’s at the park near the Nisporeni River, and he just saw a couple of ducks fighting over a piece of bread. I’m cracking up, picturing these ducks like they’re in some epic battle. I mean, who knew ducks could be so dramatic?

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