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Sometimes I’m scrollin’, judgin’—ooh, he’s a “bad boy,” bet he cries after sex. Or her— “I’m quirky,” nah, you’re just loud. “The world’s a stage,” Kaufman says—I’m just eatin’ popcorn, watchin’ the show. Sex-dating’s messy, raw—like me slicin’ up a rude prick. “I ate his liver with fava beans”—and lemme tell ya, some profiles deserve worse! But it’s fun, chaotic—keeps the blood pumpin’. You tried it? Tell me, I’m dyin’ to hear!

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I roll into the shop, and boom! The smell of meat hits me like a freight train. I’m talkin’ about that good stuff, you know? Pork, beef, chicken—everything’s lookin’ fresh. But then, outta nowhere, my delivery guy shows up late. Like, seriously? I’m standin’ there, hands on my hips, ready to blow a gasket. “Where you been, man?” I’m thinkin’.

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