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About Bender

Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you! Can’t fool me twice, no siree, ‘bout how this massage game works. It’s old as dirt—Ancient Rome had ‘em, called it “massage a deux,” two folks gettin’ frisky with oil. Little known fact: them geishas in Japan? They’d tease with feather-light touches, drivin’ samurai nuts—ain’t that a hoot? Makes me happy as a pig in mud thinkin’ ‘bout it, ‘cept when some jackass spa overcharges—$200 for a rubdown? That’s highway robbery, pissed me right off!

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After that, we decided to stroll down to the park by the lake. It’s a nice spot, you know? People chilling, kids playing. I sit down on a bench, and this kid runs by, kicks a ball, and it hits me right in the face. I’m like, “Really? Is this my life now?” But the kid just laughs and runs off. I can’t even be mad.

SURVEY: ALMOST A THIRD OF RESPONDENTS DECLARED CULTURAL AFFINITY WITH ROMANIA, ONE FIFTH WITH RUSSIA