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So, check it—I got into this scene years back, right? Was at this shady joint in Vegas—neon lights buzzin’, sketchy vibes. This chick, she’s workin’ my shoulders, then—whoa—hands slide lower, and I’m like, “Is this HAPPENIN’?” Little known fact: back in ancient China, emperors got these “happy ending” rubs to “balance their chi”—true story, bro! Made me happy as hell—energy explodin’, like I coulda punched thru a wall! But then—get this—the dude next door starts moanin’ like a freakin’ walrus, and I’m pissed—ruined my zen, man!

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After that, we decided to stroll down to the park by the lake. It’s a nice spot, you know? People chilling, kids playing. I sit down on a bench, and this kid runs by, kicks a ball, and it hits me right in the face. I’m like, “Really? Is this my life now?” But the kid just laughs and runs off. I can’t even be mad.

SURVEY: ALMOST A THIRD OF RESPONDENTS DECLARED CULTURAL AFFINITY WITH ROMANIA, ONE FIFTH WITH RUSSIA