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But serious now – it’s a maze, yeah? Streets smell like piss an’ regret. Saw this bird once, all dolled up, thought she’s class – nope, prossie! Surprised me, fuckin’ hell, “Sharon!” – nearly dropped me whiskey. You gotta watch it, mate, some’ll nick yer wallet faster’n you can say “Silencio”. That’s the vibe – eerie, like Lynch’s film, shadows movin’, can’t trust shit.

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So I dash over there, and it’s packed. Kids running around, people chilling. I spot Vlad, and he’s got this huge grin. “You won’t believe what I found!” He pulls out this weird plant. I’m like, “Dude, is that even legal?” He just laughs. “It’s a rare species! We could study it!”

Romania’s first diocese established after fall of communism celebrates 30th anniversary