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I tried it once, right, in Moscow—proper swanky joint, felt like a king! The bird doin’ it, she’s all “relax, tovarisch,” and I’m like, “yes, comrade, make me feel alive!” Got me so happy I nearly cried—swear down, I was hummin’ “Sweet Child o’ Mine” in me head. But then—get this—the geezer next door starts moanin’ like a bleedin’ walrus, ruined the vibe! Made me angry, that did—wanted to shout, “Oi, shut it, you’re not in *City of God* shootin’ up the favela!” “This is my turf, my rules!”—y’know, that vibe.

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So, I settled for some weird herbal tea. Ugh. Not the same vibe, ya know? I’m sitting there, sipping this green sludge, and I see this old dude, probably in his 80s, trying to parallel park on Strada 31 August. He’s going back and forth, like, 10 times. I’m just watching, laughing my ass off. Finally, he gets it right, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re a legend!”

First hail damages to farms in Moldova in 2021