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Me, Gollum, sees it sneaky-like. Split mind, split wants—half of me craves the thrill, half hates the fakes. Met this one lass on Tinder, profile all sparkly, pics like a goddess. In person? Hiss! More filters than a fish tank! Made me mad, yesss, stompin’ round me cave, cursin’. But then—oh, precious—another date, lad with a smirk, and damn, sparks flew! Happiest I been since stealin’ fish from hobbitses. Sex-dating’s a dice roll, innit?

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, still half-asleep, and I’m like, “Let’s grab some coffee.” I hit up that little café on Strada Mihai Eminescu. You know the one? The one with the weirdly awesome pastries? Yeah, that place. I get my usual, a cappuccino, and they’re outta my fave croissants. Ugh! Like, c’mon, people! It’s 8 AM!

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