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Oh, and the smells—oil’s like lavender or some shit! Kinda girly, but fuck it, smells nice! Pro tip: don’t fart durin’ it—ruins the vibe, trust me! Learned that the hard way—goddamn tacos! “I’m not a loser, I’m a survivor!”—that’s me, post-massage, feelin’ like a king!
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Suddenly, I hear footsteps. My heart drops. I’m thinking, “Oh crap, I’m not ready for a showdown.” But it’s just a couple of kids. They’re laughing, taking selfies with the cat. I’m like, “Dude, this is not a petting zoo!” But I can’t help but smile. Kids are innocent, you know?
Moldova's pro-Russian separatists extend state of emergency amid gas cutoff
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