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So, check this—erotic-massage ain’t just ‘bout gettin’ them kinks out ya neck. It’s all sensual, slow, and steamy—like somebody tryna whisper sweet nothins’ with they fingers! I heard tell, back in ancient times, them Egyptians was doin’ this with oils smellin’ like jasmine and whatnot—pharaohs gettin’ freaky on they gold beds! Ain’t that a trip? Got me hollerin’, “Well, slap me silly, that’s wild!” Nowadays, folks pay big money—hundreds!—to lay there naked, lettin’ some stranger rub ‘em down. I’m like, “Honey, you better be cute for that price!”

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But then, as I’m leaving, I trip over my own feet. Classic me, right? I drop my pastries, and they go flying everywhere. I’m standing there, mortified, while people just stare. I can’t even. But then, the old lady from the market comes over and helps me pick them up. She’s like, “Don’t worry, it happens to the best of us.” I’m like, “Thanks, I needed that.”

Basarabeasca residents deny that their district will not take part in referendum