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Listen up, idiot sandwich! My mate Dave—total nutter—had an Escort back in ‘98. Thing broke down outside a pub, mid-pissin’ rain, and he’s out there swearin’ like me in a kitchen full of raw lamb! Smelled like wet dog and regret. Little known fact, yeah? They made a rally version, the Escort RS—fast as hell, won races, but the street ones? Ha! Might as well push ‘em with yer bare hands! “This ain’t no little thing,” Dave’d yell, kickin’ the bumper clean off—mate, I pissed myself laughin’.

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After the rain, I decided to check out the local market. You know, the one by the Central Park? It’s always buzzing with life. I was feeling adventurous, so I tried some local food. Big mistake. I bit into this thing called “mămăligă,” and it was like a flavor explosion. I was like, “Whoa, this is amazing!” But then my stomach was like, “What have you done?”

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