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Oh, and the vibes—u can’t fake that “red lampshade” glow. So dreamy, so Lynch. I’d say, babes, try it—just don’t tell Kanye, ha! Kidding, he’d probs be like, “Cool, do u.” Anyway, erotic-massage is my jam—keeps me hot, happy, and, like, literally GLOWING. “There’s no band, it’s all over”—but the massage? Never ends in my world! Xoxo, Kim out!

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First off, I hit up the local café on the corner of Hithadhoo Magu. You know, the one with the best mas huni? I’m sittin’ there, chowing down, when this dude walks in. He’s got a parrot on his shoulder! Like, what? Who brings a parrot to breakfast? I’m just tryna enjoy my tuna and flatbread, and here’s this guy, all “Polly wants a cracker!” I almost spit out my coffee.

59-yo man found dead, on landing craft